It's a Love of the Lights

Alright, you can say it...

2010-09-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

You can say it. I am terrible, terrible - at keeping up with this blog. The good news is that the reason for that is because I've been very busy with other projects. I'll let you in on two of them here.

The first and most beloved is a project that Nadia Rodriguez and I have put together in an attempt to revitalize old radio shows. We've created a modern radio show in the style of the 40's and 50's radio shows of the past called Drop Dead Confidential. For a little background, Drop Dead Confidential follows the story of a recently divorced mother named Remy Ross as she tries to survive through the zombie apocalypse and locate her missing daughter.

The Pilot is available to listen to and for download (although the host we uses only allows for 500 free downloads, so get them while they're hot). The first full episode, which will be much longer than the Pilot episode, is currently in production and will be available soon. If you follow blogs, I do recommend following Drop Dead so that you can be alerted when it updates.

Drop Dead Confidential - Drop Dead Radio

Also, the trailer for Palmiro has been released! Check it out:

Winter = Work (and it's cold!)

2010-01-30T08:45:00.000-08:00

If you remember or have been following me that long, you'll clearly remember that I said last winter was slow for me. Well, proof that I'm moving up in the world: this winter has been terribly busy! The demand for me to do studio shoots has been pretty much without end.

With that in mind, here's what I've been up to!

Since I've posted I've worked with many photographers, but I'm still waiting on some photos from some of them so I won't have the pictures just yet.

Starting in December right before the Holidays, I worked with Michael Leach (of both Michael Leach Photography and Damsels in Distress Visual Productions) on multiple shoots. Michael's style is always with an emphasis on dramatic lightning with provocative and emotive poses.
These two (above and below) are from a series of Michael's focusing the instruments that models play. I play three instruments: violin, harp and clarinet. While I play clarinet and violin much better than I play harp, we both agreed that since he already had a few models pose with violins and the clarinet was small, the harp was the way to go. We shot for about three to four hours in a studio in Attleboro. We'd been meaning to do two themes but this one inspired the both of us so much that we never got to the second one!
The next two shoots I had were also with Michael Leach. The second one was a steampunk themed shoot. With the help of a local costume shop we were able to select two authentic looking Victorian dresses and a number of accessories for the shoot. Special shout out here to Nadia for allowing me to use her toy guns, which really made some of the pictures. The pictures didn't really come out how I expected them to, but I was really happy with the way they did. Instead of playing the demure maiden like I normally do, I got to play the mean and hardened Victorian Madame you would not want to meet alone in an alleyway. Most of the pictures are still in post production but I do have this one teaser photo from the set to share.
The last shoot with Michael I unfortunately do not have any pictures of as they are still all in post production, but it was a zombie shoot. I will show you all that one later because it is really quite unique and is a series of photos that tell a story.

After all of the photoshoots with Michael Leach I began my work on the movie Palmiro, which is being directed by Joe Marfione. The movie is still being shot although all of my scenes are all done, so I have to keep most of it under wraps until it is released. Despite this, I think all of you will really enjoy it. It's a refreshing and unique script that will shock and surprise the viewers and leave them wanting more. I will release more information as the production starts to advertise.

After the holidays I went right back to work working with My Eyes Photography on some lingerie and pin-ups. The shoot ran into multiple problems brought on completely by bad luck (such as the heat suddenly breaking in the building during a very cold night - I could see my breath!) but we got some good pictures regardless. I have a follow up shoot scheduled with him soon. Pictures from this shoot are still in post production and will not be posted on facebook. If you're interested in seeing my lingerie work you can check here, my online portfolio, or Deviant Art.

Soon after that I shot with Esram Photography. The plan was to shoot pin up and lingerie, and while we did we also managed to get some absolutely beautiful artistic and classical pictures. This only happened a couple of days ago however, so the pictures are most definitely in post production. Some of those photos will make an appearance on facebook but all of the lingerie photos will again only be here, my portfolio, or Deviant Art.

There, now I've mostly caught up with everything! There are many more shoots scheduled for the near future including more lingerie and pin-up and more themed shoots so look out for those. I'm also slated to work on another movie, though nothing is set in stone for sure yet.

Also, just to formally announce, I did not win the JUSTPROUD contest. Still I really appreciate everyone that came together to try to win it for me, so I thank you again. I could not do this without your continued support.

Posing Tip for Models: Posing can be difficult with some photographers who are not looking to shoot something really specific or who prefer to give the model a lot of direction in his or her own posing. If you feel you have exhausted all of the poses in your arsenal, try changing levels. Levels are basically whether or not you are standing, crouching, kneeling, sitting, or lying down. If you do change levels, be sure to give your photographer enough time to catch up with your new level - he will need to adjust so that he is also at your level or adjust to a better angle.

Great Week!

2009-11-05T11:46:00.000-08:00

Look everyone, I made the top 50 for the JUSTPROUD fashion label contest. This is really thanks to all of you who voted for me, and I can never say thank you enough! Even if I don't win, I am really flattered to make the top 50 in the first place. This really speaks volumes about the love and support I have from my friends and fans, so again, THANK YOU! (If you haven't voted for me yet, please do!)

Other awesome news, I have picked up another agency: Midwest Model Management! This is mostly for promotional modeling, so if any of you regularly attend conventions or promotions for products, you might see me around there!

Also, I've landed a role in an awesome independent movie called Palmiro, where I play Catherina, the Brazilian girlfriend. The role is really great and the scenes I am in are really funny, so I'm pretty psyched about this. Ultimately the director and producer of the series is hoping to submit Palmiro to the Sundance Film Festival, so look out for it and I will keep you updated.

This week I am also working with Liquid Projects for a really awesome rocker girl style shoot sponsored by Monster Mini Golf in Danvers, MA. We will be shooting on the actual golf course, so the pictures are bound to be awesome!

Finally, on Sunday I am returning to A Guy Named Eddy for some more of his amazing headshots. You all remember his work, but for a reminder here is a picture from our first shoot. I expect the second shoot to be even MORE amazing. :)

JUSTPROUD - your own (community driven) fashion brand

2009-10-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

JUSTPROUD - your own (community driven) fashion brand

Please VOTE for me to be the new face of JUSTPROUD fashion brand!!!

When Losing Weight is BAD and Other Stuff

2009-10-21T06:44:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was declined for the first time ever because I was too skinny.

If you're sitting there with your head cocked to the left with a dumbfounded expression on your face because you know me, or are just confused in general, allow me to explain.

I am not a skinny girl. Well, I'm not overweight either. I'm somewhere in the curvy middle. Here, check out this picture of me:Am I skinny? No, the girl behind me is skinny. Am I fat? Well, not really. Maybe it all depends on your frame of reference, but I wouldn't really call myself 'fat'. My BMI is pretty sound. I'm a dress size 8 (sometimes a 10 if I can't squeeze my oversized bust into an 8). Skinny is definitely not the word I'd use to describe me.

And yet that's exactly what happened. Normal modeling generally takes sizes 2-6 (I know you're probably thinking that they also take 0 and 00 but a lot of talent agencies and designers, in a movement to better their image against people who think modeling causes anorexia, have greatly reduced or stopped signing women who are 0 and 00 and are more frequently opting for women who are size 2-6 depending on their height). Plus size modeling usually takes from 10-14 (and sometimes 16-18 if you are on the West Coast) but they often dip into size 8 depending on their bodyframe and height.

Well, my friends, I have officially become too big for plus size modeling. Designers now think that I am too thin to appeal to plus size women. This is actually bad, because in order to get runway jobs (I'm 5'7'' so I can occasionally find runway work) I need to fit into one of these markets. So, I have two choices. Lose one dress size or gain one dress size.

For me, it would be much EASIER to gain one dress size. That's just how my body is. However, I think it would be more beneficial to lose one dress size, as skinny people tend to get better roles in TV and Movies, so that's what I'm going for. To lose one dress size I'm going to focus on building muscle mass in my abdomen and upper arms (my abdomen because I think that's where most of the undesirable weight is and my arms because I would just like them to be thinner) by doing a lot of stretching and power walking/jogging. Also, I'm going to attempt to drastically reduce my calorie intake to about 1400 calories or less a day (normally I intake about 1500 so I guess that's not so drastic, but trust me it will FEEL drastic).

In other news, I've been getting a lot of work lined up lately, so it's going to be a busy next few months. I'm actually surprised that there is so much work available considering that the first snow of the season scared off a lot of photographers.

Well, I am tired and though I was going to post more, I think I'm going to have to take a nap instead and write more later. To make up for it, here's a few pictures from my infra-red shoot with Retro Wks Studios:

Revised Schedule

2009-10-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

Another schedule revision! Here's what we have on the table now:

October 17th - Second Experimental Shoot with Retro Wks, also some shoe modeling to finish what we started the last time.

October 21st - Bathtub and Gown shoot with Michael Leach.

November 14th - VJing a Fashion Show representing Ikhan Studios

December 6th - Steampunk Fashion shoot with Michael Leach

Right now some stuff that's up in the air includes:

A lingerie shoot with Clockwork Muse or Ikhan Studios or both
A dark/goth themed shoot with a new photographer
Some appearances as Miss New Hampshire State Queen

I'll let you know when all of this stuff comes through.

Schedule Change and Modeling with Music

2009-10-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

Slight schedule change, my October 14th shoot has been moved to October 21st because the MUA couldn't make Wednesday evenings, which is fine because she's a great MUA and definitely worth waiting for. You can see some of her work at her Model Mayhem account, which is here. As an added note, you can always access my Model Mayhem account here.

Also, a note on modeling with music on. Some amateur photographers (and sometimes even professional ones too) will ask you if you would like some music to model to. BE CAREFUL. If you are anything like me, you're likely to channel whatever emotion the music is projecting. For instance, it would probably be bad to listen to Evanescence during a lingerie shoot (unless maybe it is a goth lingerie shoot) because you're going to look depressed and emo when you should be looking energized and sexy. If you absolutely must model to music, I really suggest knowing what you're going to model ahead of time and picking your own music playlist to bring. Make sure that the music relates to your shoot and more importantly, that there's nothing embarrassing on the playlist. Nothing should be on the playlist that would make your mother cringe, and if you are doing a nude shot, avoid songs with heavy sexual themes (because then you are practically provoking bad behavior, not that it will necessarily happen), especially when you're working with an amateur photographer.

That's it for now. I'm expecting some edited pics from the harp shoot soon, but this week is slow, as it is nature's 'mandatory vacation week', which I have lovingly dubbed my 'Fat Week'. I'll post those pics as they come in, but they will be on my facebook fan page first!

Schedule and Some Changes

2009-10-02T08:01:00.001-07:00

I am going to be better about updating this blog from now on so I can keep everyone updated, I swear. A few changes you may have noticed: I changed the name of the blog to be more centric around modeling and acting. If I deviate from the subject matter I'll give you all fair warning. ;D

Just some clarification for my last post - even though I am no longer a plus size model (standard size about size 10-16), I still get what would be considered plus model jobs (modeling jeans for curvier women, costumes, etc.). It just goes to show you that industry rules aren't always solid. Even the dreaded height problem (models less than 5'8'' won't get runway fashion jobs) has been broken, although I should note that it's rare for this to happen and extremely unlikely that it will happen to you consistently.

So far I'm waiting on two photographers for photos still in post-production - this includes the Infra-red Shoot, the Designer Shoes Shoot, and the Harp Shoot. I'll post some of those when I get them, but in the meantime check out these teasers from the Infra Red Shoot:

Schedule Thus Far:

October 14th - Bathtub Shoot
October 17th - More Infra Red
October 18th - Even More Infra Red
November 14th - Boston Fashion Runway Show (emcee/vj)
December 6th - Steampunk Fashion Shoot

I'm expecting a lot of stuff to come up really fast, especially in October, so keep your eyes peeled. The zombie shoot is still up in the air for being rescheduled as well as the mock pageant shoot.

Plus Size Modeling - How to Get Started

2009-07-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

A lot of people have been asking me how to get into plus size modeling lately. These tips are pretty universal and rock solid for starting models, so read on if you are interested in plus size modeling.

If you're interested in plus size modeling, I can give you some background on that because I did it for a while until I didn't qualify. To be a plus size print/commercial model, you have to be around a size 12-16. You also have to actually work regularly, because despite the amount of photoshopping they do to make your stomach look flat (if you don't believe me, check out the lingerie section of Fashion Bug sometime), they want you to look a little toned. Your weight should be predominately in your breasts and your hips/thighs and you absolutely MUST retain a waist that is smaller than the measurements of your hips/thighs. If you want to do runway, you have to be at least 5'7'', and it's better if you're 5'8''+. You must have good skin. If you break out all the time, you have to be on some medicated program or no one will take you seriously.

Agencies will absolutely not bend on these numbers. Amateur and independent photographers MIGHT bend on these numbers but they usually like to emulate the industry. The only people who will not care what size you are are the Artstistic Nude Photographers/Painters, but that only works for you if you are willing to pose nude.

Also, modeling has everything to do with your "look" . What a look is, is sort of hard to describe, but I will give it a shot anyways. Your look is sort of the theme that your appearance falls under. I choose the 'exotic' look because most people have a hard time guessing where I am from. Other people choose other looks, like the 'Girl Next Door' look or the 'All American Girl' look. There's pretty much an endless description of looks and as long as you know what yours is, and you cater to it, you'll be good to go. Deciding what your look is or choosing a look can be hard. It's best to look up various looks or get a second opinion if you are stumped.

If you want to start modeling, get a professional photographer to get a few shots of you for your professional portfolio. DON'T SKIMP OUT ON THE QUALITY OF YOUR PHOTOS!!! It's better to pay a photographer for good photos rather than hire an amateur for less or no money, because the quality is partially going to determine the success of your career. If other photographers see good pictures of you, they'll be like "Oh, I can do that too," and they'll ask to shoot with you. This means dropping at least upwards of $100.00 on these photos with the expectation that you're probably not going to make any money within the first year of your modeling career. Make sure you get a CD of your best shots for any internet portfolios or personal websites as well as two physical prints. If you're not paying for your shoot, this will not likely be an option open to you.

Another way in are the pageant systems. There ARE plus size pageants that are very much worth competing in. Pageants give you notoriety and make people respect you for your personality and poise - things that are extremely important in the modeling world. They also let people know that SOME ONE ELSE thinks you are attractive, which is also very important. A good reference to find plus size pageants is is http://www.pluspageantry.com . Try to pick a pageant with good prizes and a system that will get you a lot of public appearances.

After you do all of this, it's good to find a networking site for models. You can use sites like Craigslist to find jobs, but do so RESPONSIBLY. Always google your employers and make sure they are legitimate. If you can't find them on google, ALWAYS ask for a professional website, or to meet somewhere in public before you go to our photoshoot. :)

Still Alive!

2009-07-09T06:41:00.001-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've just been completely swept off my feet with stuff to do. Not only have I tackled tons of photoshoots in the past few months, but I've also been in more pageants, attended the premiere of Luziden, and finally secured a state title (Miss New Hampshire State Queen - although my sash gets abbreviated to Miss New Hampshire which causes some degree of confusion). While I'd really love to touch upon all of that, I'd be writing forever so I'll just tell you what is up now so hopefully I can catch up on things next time the activity picks up.

The reason I've actually been able to stop and post is mostly that once again, I'm sick with some unknown disease that has kicked me over for at least a few weeks, and been with me for at least a month. When I get sick, which is more often than I'd like, I get SICK and usually end up incapacitated at some point. This sickness hasn't really kept me in the house that much, but it has been a major setback because at about 12 noon on the dot, I start to lose my voice and it's usually gone by at least 8pm if not earlier. It's pretty much been like that everyday, occuring like clockwork. I'd say it's amazing except that it's really more annoying than anything else.

As for work right now, I've sort of been out of the loop for a while due to personal issues. Unfortunately my parents are going through a somewhat nasty divorce, and I feel that I need to be there for them more than I usually am to help them get through this difficult point in their lives. After getting through the worst part though, I am able to start working again, and so I have a few photoshoots with Damsels in Distress Productions scheduled. You might remember Damsels as the imfamous "mud shoot". Well, one of those shoots is going to be similar to the last one, but the other two that are in the works are completely different. :) I'm really excited to be working on all of the projects.

I'm also going to start looking for more movie related projects again. Modeling is very nice, but acting has and always will be my true passion. If I can make a living modeling, I will be happy, but if I can make a living acting than my life will be complete. So far in my experience however, I've found that my 'look' is highly desirable for modeling, while I have no idea what casting directors are thinking, so I always feel more inclined to go for jobs I have a better chance at getting. Still, I'd like to put myself out there again, and after I get a few more recent modeling jobs under my belt, transition again back to acting.

I almost took a small, non-paid job as an extra in a Christian Bale movie, but then I realized that the only reason I'd be doing it was to see Christian Bale, and that I could probably better utilize my time. Being an extra kinda sucks... you have to wait around on set a lot and you may or may not appear in the scene. Your scene might even get cut entirely. It's not really worth doing other than saying that you were (or were supposed to be) in a movie, and seeing Christian Bale (which really, is almost worth it in my book, because I have a huge celeberity crush on him) unless you're getting paid, in which you're doing it for money obviously. A bit part would be a lot more rewarding, but understandably harder to get. I think it would be more rewarding to me personally to be in a smaller movie but with a bigger part. The other thing about the extra job was that the offer was basically made open to everyone, so there was no auditioning or anything beforehand.

If you would like more information about my schedule, please feel free to contact me here.

Also, I'll let you all know about where my first real appearance as Miss New Hampshire State Queen is going to be.

Thanks for reading!

Iced Tea Lime/Endosquid Photography

2009-04-04T16:04:00.001-07:00

I really cannot express the amount of fun I had shooting with Endosquid. I can't wait to show all of you the photos that resulted! All I can say is WOW. Such attention to detail and lighting! It was also my first shoot with a make up artist. She told me that the colors she used on me are actually the same colors from the movie Twilight (rather funny, because I am not a fan of the book or the movie personally) and I thought some of you might like to know that. The first look here is apparently Alice's colors from the first movie:

And this is a variant of Bella's colors:

It was an absolute pleasure to work with him, and hopefully I'll be doing so again sometime soon (it's in the works!).

Next week I have a shoot scheduled that involves me sinking into some fishy-smelling mud (whee)! We'll see how those come out! It's part of a series called 'Damsels In Distress'. In addition to that I have MANY upcoming things scheduled (so many that I'm thinking about investing in a paper calendar/planner because I'm away from the computer sometimes when these things are set up). It's been back and forth between Nashua and Boston for a few weeks now. I do end up traveling a lot doing this, but it's all very fun so I don't mind.

Now if only I could get another acting gig again!

More Shoots!

2009-03-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

More shoots are scheduled. In fact, I just finished a preview for an upcoming shoot I'm really excited for! This shoot is going to have a bunch of really nice dresses, some casual outfits, but also some lingerie. The dress and casual outfit pictures will be tagged, but the lingerie outfits will NOT and will be in a separate album, so you're going to actually have to visit my page and find the album if you want to see those pictures. I'm not tagging them mainly because I don't want to offend some of my more conservative friends, but they'll be easy enough to find as long as you want to.

On Monday I have a shoot with Ice Tea Lime Models in Nashua, and another preview set for Wednesday! :)

Also, I've been busy online joining a bunch of professional networking Modeling sites (as well as some social networking sites)! Check me out on Model Mayhem, Model Insider, and Modelfolios. Of course, I've also been on Facebook, Myspace, and Deviant Art.

Busy Few Weeks Ahead!

2009-03-18T06:15:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I just got an account on Model Mayhem, a networking site for models, and WOW! Suddenly I am a highly desired model, and absolutely booked for a while! Expect a lot of photos in the upcoming weeks. I'm not sure how long all of these photographers will take to do the 'post-production' parts but I'd say we should have a few new albums by the end of April quite easily. If you are really interested in seeing them, please check my fan page frequently, because I will not be tagging some of the pictures (I have a few glamour shots that I am not going to tag simply because if I do, then all of my former high school friends and acquaintances are going to have pin ups of me on their profile feed). Things are starting to get very busy and exciting. I'll be sure to keep you all posted.

Another Nadia Rodriguez Shoot and more

2009-03-07T18:15:00.000-08:00

I just finished yet ANOTHER amazing shoot with Nadia Rodriguez. I cannot even express how excited I am about this shoot! The colors in it are just wild! I know for the moment you will have to take my word on it, but Nadia has promised to start editing them very soon - so you should see the collection as each picture is finished.

I'm just about to post a LOT of pictures from the John Crawford shoot as well, so please have a look at those! I'd definitely recommend him to anyone looking for some professionally done headshots, full body shots, or whatever you might need in the way of casting. He'd also be good for things like prom pictures, as he's got this lovely fireplace in his studio space that looked really nice with my evening gown.

It's been a busy couple of weeks!

Multiple Photoshoots!

2009-02-19T21:12:00.000-08:00

I suppose February (and part of March) is the time for photoshoots, because that's what I have scheduled up thus far! If you follow me on Myspace or Facebook keep an eye out for the photos! I will either link to them or post them up for everyone to see. :)

I'll keep you guys updated as more happens!

Pageants... they have their ups... and their downs

2009-02-10T08:12:00.001-08:00

So I had to turn down the opportunity to audition today because of being in a pageant. I've come to realize that while being in a pageant gets me a lot of attention (if you've been anywhere in public with me during the last month, you probably know what I mean) sometimes it does not work out with my acting career. The most recent example of this, being that I had to turn down this audition because the script contained too many swear words and one of the characters (the one I was probably more likely to get, of course) did too many overtly sexual things. Now, scripts that have some swearing or mild sexual situations I could probably do without getting myself into any amount of trouble - but there was really no getting around it in this script. It's really too bad, because the production company looked like a lot of fun to work with.

The second thing is, as a beginning actress you mainly work with indepenent film and production companies who are generally made up of people who are obsessed with being artsy (which is fine). When they see a pageant title holder audition though, I think they list me as "mainstream" simply because I won a pageant. It's almost funny, because I don't think anyone could ever pin me as "mainstream" in any other scenario. I'm definitely not the average pageant-goer: I don't tan, I'm undeniably curvey... really if you watched Miss America the other day, I don't look anything like any of the contestants (which makes me wonder if going for Miss NH USA again is really worth my time/money). I don't really know if I can be classified as "exotic" or anything like that, but mainstream definitely isn't a good descriptive word either. Could I even describe my appearance in one word? Probably not... but that's just because I completely fail at describing myself in general.

Now that you think I'm down on pageants - I'm probably going to do another one in August. Yes, I bet you're laughing at me now too - but I figure while I'm holding a pageant title there's really no point in neglecting to go for more. This pageant is also very career-oriented and has better publicity opportunities.

By the way, I should probably note that I'm still not upset that I won a pageant or anything like that. I'm actually really enjoying my 'reign'. The fact that independent production companies seem to be ignoring me alltogether is slightly annoying, but it's not something that is completely constant or that I can't work around. :)

I traveled from Nashua to Boston by bus and then subway the other day. It was kind of hilarious. The bus staff thought I was some celeberity and everyone on the subway kept an unusual distance but shamelessly stared at me. So, everyone should note that if you wear a crown and sash on the subway people will give you more personal space but you'll feel everyone's eyes on you pretty much all the time. It was an interesting experience. If you're in the Boston area you might see me wandering around for the next week.

OH, and I almost forgot about my swing lessons. I'm teaching swing at this place in Brookline NH every Sunday... if you're interested just let me know here. The first lessons started out great! Most of the people seem to be learning quickly - although some of them are being held back due to issues with self confidence more than anything else. Let that be a lesson to you - if you doubt yourself you're probably more likely to mess up! Of course, that's easier said than done.

Recent Happenings and Announcements

2009-02-04T19:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't made an update in a while, but I've been so busy! On top of the normal workload, I've unfortunately had to deal with a lot of family issues during the past two months which have admittedly slowed me down a bit, but not as much as you might think!

I just finished a mini-modeling job for the local Mary Kay group. It's something that anyone can do - but it was pretty fun. Anyone interested in doing Mary Kay should definitely look into it.

I'm also going to be doing Ballroom Swing classes in Brookline, NH. If anyone wants more information, they should e-mail me here. The classes are intended for beginners, but there's free dance time afterwards that would probably be fun for all. Just as a warning, the dance studio's floor is not as smooth as compared to others because the hall is also used for line dancing and frequently takes abuse from cowboy boots. It shouldn't mess up anyone's dancing shoes, but you might find yourself unused to an uneven floor - especially when attempting turns. :D Feel free to show up in cowboy boots if you like.

I just submitted to TONS of auditions so I'll keep you all posted. :)

Congratulations Part 2

2008-12-22T18:41:00.000-08:00

WOW! I'm so happy to announce that my sister Kathryn actually WON the Jr. Miss Manchester City Queen Pageant, and now holds the title! I'm so happy and excited for her!

Catching Up

2008-12-19T17:02:00.000-08:00

First off, thanks to everyone that came to my appearance at Relentless Dragon. It was great to see you all there!

Right now I am taking a break for the holidays. I'll keep you updated on when I start getting into projects again, probably sometime after the New Year, but it is possible that it will happen before.

Happy Holidays everyone - or if you don't celebrate, just have a nice few weeks and a good new year!!

In Case of Incilmate Weather...

2008-12-11T12:33:00.000-08:00

The NH area is experiencing a bit of an ice storm right now. If things are still bad by tomorrow, than I'm going to have to cancel my appearance at The Relentless Dragon. Please be safe and stay indoors if the road conditions are bad!

Congratulations

2008-12-08T17:14:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say congratulations to my sister, Kathryn, for making the decision to go for Jr. Miss Manchester City Queen! I wish her the best of luck. I'll keep you all updated on her success.

One More Thing...

2008-12-08T10:00:00.000-08:00

I forgot to mention that I'll be at Relentless Dragon from about 6-8 PM. I might arrive a little earlier than that and/or leave a little later than that, but you can be sure that I'll be there from those hours. So wrap things up:

The Relentless Dragon
Amherst NH
December 12th
From 6-8 PM

Sorry for the lack of information earlier! See some of you there!

Appearance at Relentless Dragon

2008-12-06T19:37:00.000-08:00

This is sort of random, but I'm going to be making an appearance at Relentless Dragon in Amherst, NH this Friday, December 12th. I realize this has nothing to do with acting OR pageants, but I freely admit that I am a BIT of a gamer (there goes my fan base!). I also admit that I am generally terrible at gaming, but have a tendency of winning by sheer luck. ;D Anyways, I'm likely to be there with my crown and sash, and all dolled up to boot. If you are into gaming, or just want to hang out, please head on over there.

Click Here for Directions

If you can't make it, don't like gaming, or are otherwise unable to attend, don't worry. This is just the first of a few appearances!

Scams Suck, but the Victoria's Secret Angels Make Everyone Happy

2008-12-04T13:11:00.000-08:00

So, as some of you know, I've been trying to expand myself beyond student projects and independent films. Although I really love student projects and still have faith in independent films (my first experience with an independent film was terrible), I also need to start making some money through acting, and not through other jobs.

The thing is, I'm feeling slightly conflicted as to what I want to do now that I've had a taste of modeling through the Miss NH USA Pageants. I had always assumed that there wasn't much too modeling, and that it was just standing there and looking pretty while people took pictures of you, but it's actually a lot like acting. In addition to that, I happen to love it. It's a lot of fun, and it makes me feel extremely confident. I'd love to do modeling as a profession to. Of course, as a 5'6'', 160 lb girl, that's an unrealistic goal at the moment. Despite the fact that I've gone from a size 16 pants size (I know, please feel free to cringe with me) to a size 8 pants size, I haven't really been able to see much of a difference in the way Agencies, Agents, and even Casting Directors view me, which is a little disappointing, but only makes me want to work harder towards the goal of a size 4, which seems a LOT more obtainable coming from a size 8, but I think it will be harder. On the bright side though, friends who I hadn't seen from the year where I was working hard to lose the weight have noticed the change and commented positively on it, which is really great.

Speaking of Agencies though, I find it really disgusting to see the amount of scams there are pertaining to acting. People who want to go into acting are generally extremely passionate about their art and making it into a career, and it's so sad to see people taken advantage of. What's even more disappointing is how these scam agencies seem like the only viable choice to a starting actor if they want to get a job. Don't get me wrong - these scam agencies aren't complete scams. They really do work for some people. The thing is, these scam agencies will take ANYONE in, and take their 'sign up fee' money along with it. Sign up fees can be anywhere from $20.00 - over $300, and the costs are usually repeated annually or monthly, with no percentage taken from a job that's given to the actor under that agency. However, that is, if you GET a job. They'll take your money regardless of whether they think you have a realistic chance at getting a job or not, which is what makes them a scam. Sure, they have the few handful of actors they represent who regularly get jobs and do well for themselves, but those actors had potential and could have done well under any agency, while the others who are being taken advantage of and may need guidance have no idea what they are doing wrong.

People shouldn't be allowed to take advantage of other people's dreams. I know it's happened since the dawn of time, but it's so cruel and wrong. I wish the Better Business Bureau would do more towards getting the information out concerning Agency Scams.

Still, where to draw the line? It's possible that I could be successful using an agency like this - but there's no way to tell. Submitting yourself to real agencies is often daunting, and the online agencies seem so much friendlier, it's almost ridiculous.

But this is mostly me rambling. Right now I'm trying to thicken my portfolio so I can hand them out to real agencies. As for scam agencies... I don't know what to do with them. One of them called me up the other day (I believe it was Agency Pro, but I don't remember) and asked me to discuss payment with them, which was fine by me - because I like to weigh all of my options. Basically, he just told me how much it cost, and then asked me which plan I wanted. I told him, very politely, that he wasn't the only online agency that had contacted me, and that I would like time to weigh my options and make sure I was picking the one that was best for me. I just have to say, that me wanting to do this is completely reasonable and intelligent, and that ANYONE in my position or any other career who had any sort of inkling as to what they were doing would have said the same thing. Well this guy had the nerve to say, 'Well call me back when you get serious.' Get serious? Is HE serious? Not only is that an extremely rude and unprofessional thing to say, but he's definitely lost MY business. If this guy had really wanted me to stay on with him, he could have given me more reasons as to why his agency was better. 'I can get you jobs' simply doesn't cut it - because that's what EVERYONE says. I want to know HOW they're going to represent me, and whether they're interested or not in making money WITH me instead of using me. I really don't think that's too much to ask.

Anyways, I really just had to share that, even though it happened about a week ago, because it had me really upset and down for a while, despite the fact that I knew I had done the right thing.

Friends can be the best thing in the world sometimes. Today, my lovely friend Corrine said that I could be in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. ;D That was a real confidence booster. By the way, that fashion show was AWESOME. I have to admit, that I am a real Victoria Secret Angels fan. I love Adrianna Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Heidi Klum, Douzten Kroes, and all of the rest of the models. They look like they're having so much fun, and like they are tons of fun to be around! Not only that, but the styles looked great. They even had me excited about their Pink line, which I normally stay away from (it's a bit too high school for me). Also, you know that huge puffy red dress they showed in the Christmas ad and on their catalogue cover? I WANT IT, and it's not for sale. Does anyone else find that totally depressing?

Pageants, Pageants, Pageants?

2008-11-19T15:33:00.000-08:00

So, I'm doing another pageant, and I'm going to explain why in case anyone is confused as to why.

First off, the pageant I won a title at is very small. There are few prizes and you have to work for your own appearances. Also, the title will not do much for me unless I bring it to national level.

Secondly, the pageants are getting me a LOT of notice. On the day that I brought back pictures of the Miss NH USA Pageant, my pageviews on my facebook page increased to eight times more than they are normally and stayed that way for a few days! On the days that I announced pageants, I also got more pageviews than I do normally. I've also made a lot of contacts that have been valuable to me. I'd like to get my name out, and I think the pageants are definitely having a hand in doing that.

Thirdly, this pageant in particular (the Miss New England pageant) has a great prize at international level - a commercial. Not just any commercial, a Coca Cola commercial. That would be great for me on many levels. Not only would my face be all over people's TV, but it could go on my resume. I realize that the chances of me getting that far are low at best, but I still think it's worth the initial try.

Lastly, I really enjoy pageants. I don't really know exactly why, but I love them - and I can't do them forever. I should take advantage of the time that I have where I can do them, and use them to help progress my career. Don't worry, I'm still auditioning all over the place. However, I've hit a sort of rut where I can't get a job and I feel very anxious to do something, and the pageants provide that for me. Also, people seem more interested in me when I say that I do them.

My crown and sash for the title of Miss Manchester City Queen are going to arrive in the mail in about two weeks (they are embroidering my name on the sash). When they come in (and probably as soon as Thanksgiving is over) I'm going to immediately start on my platform - Helping Veterans.

If anyone wants to come with me, that would be awesome. I think we could be more effective in numbers. I have a bunch of plans to help out besides the normal volunteering, so if you're at all interested, drop a comment.

Miss Manchester City Queen

2008-11-14T14:59:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! This isn't a long post like I usually do, but just a little post to tell you all that after entering Miss NH USA, I was inspired to enter a smaller pageant. I still plan on competing in Miss NH USA again (unless I no longer need the publicity by the time I get enough practice to want to attempt it again), but for the time being I entered another pageant, and won the title of Miss Manchester City Queen. For those of you who don't know, Manchester is the largest city in NH, and I will be working there to help our veterans. I will also be competing for the state title in the future.

Thanks for all of your love and support! To all of my friends, and friends of friends, I am so honored to have you all following my success. Thank you again!

A Bit About A Friend

2008-11-08T11:13:00.001-08:00

I did a few more photo shoots with my good friend Nadia Rodriguez these past few days, and since she has helped me out so much, I figured I would feature her a little in my gratitude.

Nadia is currently an art student at the School of the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. She is majoring in animation, and would like a job designing video games. She doesn't limit herself to those mediums however, as obviously she's quite proficient in photography and other forms of art.

Nadia is always looking for different photography subjects (I'm sure she's quite bored of me by now) and is open to requests. To contact her, you can e-mail her by clicking here or you can check out her Deviant Art Page.

On a side note, I'm going to do my best to update more often. I've signed on to a few more projects, but I am hesitant to announce them officially until I get more information about them.

In Depth: Miss NH USA 2009

2008-11-03T12:45:00.000-08:00

Alright, so now that I am more awake and somewhat well rested, I will share with you my exact pageant experience.

I arrived at the Wayfarer Inn and was immediately given my room key and the option to enter Miss Photogenic, which of course, I did. I gave them this photo on the left, which I knew was a risk. I was aware that most people would be submitting head shots, but I decided to take a risk and gave them a photo I actually liked. Unfortunately, the photo that was taken by the lovely and talented photographer, Nadia Rodriguez, did not win. However, it did receive many compliments, and I did not regret my decision. After all, this entire pageant experience was a bit of an experiment to me - and life is about taking risks!

Shortly afterward, I met my room mate, Madalyn. I couldn't have asked for a better person to room with! Like me, Madalyn was also a first time pageant contestant and very anxious to win (although not at all catty or indecent about it). We didn't have much time to organize ourselves before we were expected at the orientation and then our first rehearsal.

Rehearsals were fun when we were being included, but became boring fast when the pageant workers were rehearsing with the Teen Miss contestants. By the end of it, we were all really anxious to go to our interviews, and it was an absolute blessing to finally get down to the room where the interviews were being held. The Interviews were a lot like speed dating, and although I've never done speed dating myself, I've seen enough movies to understand what goes on. I was given about three minutes to talk to each judge as they asked me many questions - anything from my career to who I thought would be the best leader for the country. Interviews were what I felt most comfortable doing, and I left feeling very pleased with myself and my ability to communicate with people.

After the interviews there were more rehearsals, and then finally we were allowed to go back to our rooms and prepare for the first part of the pageant. We were given about two hours to prepare our make up and hair by ourselves. I had taken the time before the pageant to get my make up done in Macy's by the Estee Lauder people, so I knew exactly what I was doing for make up and it only took me a few minutes. Unfortunately, I had no idea what to do with my hair. Madalyn offered to help me with mine and ended up straitening it for me. She'd offered to curl it as well, but ended up not being able to because her own hair took longer than she had originally anticipated. Everything worked out though, because the touch up hairstylists were kind enough to curl the ends of my hair both nights - and not only did they do an absolutely spectacular job, but everyone else complimented it!

The Swimsuit competition was the first part of the pageant, and the one I was most afraid of. Needless to say, I was nowhere near the skinniest girl there, and although I was very proud of the progress I had made since I first signed up for the pageant (I dropped over 30 lbs), I knew that my figure could not compete with the girls who had been working out as hard as I had for years instead of months. I've always been rather sensitive about my figure, as up until highschool I was harassed in school about either being ugly in general or fat. I wasn't sure where I was going to get the actual confidence to go out on stage and parade around in my swimsuit when I knew I was dead afraid to do so, but being the actress that I am, I was pretty confident that I could at least fake it if it came to that. Admittedly, that's what it went down to. I worked the runway like I was a Victoria Secret Model and smiled at the judges like everything was rainbows and sunshine, but when I got back to stand in like, I could feel myself shaking. Luckily, it wasn't visible from off stage, and once it was over I realized I could do it again with no problem. Forcing myself to get out there and pretend had actually made me a lot more comfortable with myself, and I was so proud of doing it in the first place that my self confidence spiked.

I should also mention, even though it's a little out of place in my time line, that many of the contestants were also incredibly supportive during the pageant. To drop a few names, Kat, Corrina, Kirby, and of course, Madalyn, really inspired me and kept me sane during the pageant. Without their kindness and support, I'm really not sure my past experience with beauty and self confidence would have let me perform as well as I did.

Backstage, I ran back to the dressing room and immediately changed as fast as I could into my evening gown. I made the stupid mistake of attempting to put on nylons as well, and suffered a huge loss in time because of it. I was unable to wear my evening earrings because we only got about four minutes between changes, and by the time I was buckling my shoes, I was already late. A very nice attendant put my necklace on for me, so I was able to wear that at the very least. The evening gown walk is a lot like the swimsuit walk, except slower. A lot of girls rush it a bit, so it's important to remember to slow down and go with the beat of the music. They happened to be playing She's Like The Wind when it was finally my turn, and I really love that song. It calmed me, and although I was feeling much more confident because I was no longer half naked, I did really well for the evening gown portion. Smiling at the judges, I walked at a very relaxed pace down the runway before my pose for the camera. When I got back, I was really proud of myself for not rushing, as I saw a lot of others do just that, and then heard them regret it later. I have to say, the Evening Gown Competition was definitely my favorite, as I felt the most radiant and dazzling when in my sparkling dress and jewelry. The best part though, was that everyone around me probably felt the same, if not better. I was really surprised at how strongly I felt connected to these girls I had never met before, and how much they had already touched me and inspired me as not just a performer, but a person. It's very difficult to explain, but I think those who have worked closely in a play can somewhat understand how I felt. It was like bonding with a cast - except that we weren't all working towards the same goal in the same way. You'd think that people would have been overly competitive and rude, but instead everyone was supportive, empathetic, and an incredibly good sport.

The last part of the pageant was the finale, and they had us wear our interview outfits, and announced Miss Photogenic, the Honorable mentions for Miss Photogenic. The girl that won really deserved it - I have to let you know. When I saw her facebook picture weeks ahead of the pageant, I looked at it and labeled her as strong competition. I was right too! Brittany made it to the top 12 later on in the pageant.

The finale was mainly the emcee singing and putting us contestants on the spot by randomly shoving the microphone in our face during a song, expecting us to sing. It was just a bit of fun to pass the time and elongate the show, but it really helped to ease the atmosphere too.

After the show, they held a very controversial pizza party at 11:30 PM. If you're wondering why the pizza party was controversial, consider the facts. Most of the girls here had been carefully watching their weights for the past month, being careful and closely monitoring exactly what they let into their bodies and at what times. It's common knowledge that eating after 8 is not helpful to weight loss or maintenance, and on top of that the food of choice was greasy, fatty pizza. A lot of the girls were a little disgruntled, and many (myself included) did not eat the pizza. Still, it was fun to converse with everyone and participate in the small raffle they held (I won a decorative hair brush).

The next day we had another two hour rehearsal and then once again, we were turned out on our own. Just like before, I did my own make up and had my hair curled at the bottoms by the touch up artists (although it came out a little more differently this time because I didn't straiten my hair first this time). Before the pageant, everyone was anxious to get pictures, as we were starting in our evening gowns this time and no one had really gotten to see them the night before due to the rush. Everyone hugged each other and wished each other luck before the introduction, which led to the announcement of the top 12. I really wanted to make the top 12, because I felt that it would be a real accomplishment for me, considering where I'd come from. I didn't have much confidence about reaching the top 5, but I still dreamed about achieving the title of Miss NH USA.

Unfortunately, neither happened. I was not announced for the top anything, and my participation in the pageant was cut short along with the others who were cut from the show. I left the stage with a smile, and joined the others backstage as I cheered on my new found friends and watched them compete. I was so happy for all of the girls that progressed, and disappointed when three of my good friends were dropped from the top 12 when they narrowed down to the top 5. When Miss NH USA was crowned, no one in the room could argue that she was not deserving of the title. Christy Dunn immediately slipped into the role with ease, and everyone was happy for her. Sure, we were all a bit jealous too, and although I can't really speak for the other girls, I know that my own happiness at my accomplishments and watching one of my friends achieve their dream completely outweighed whatever green monster that wanted to take hold of me.

In short, the pageant was a really inspiring and confidence boosting experience, and I'm really glad I did it. I'm not entirely sure if I will do any more pageants in the future, as I'm not sure that they are completely helpful to my career (I could not participate in independent movies for two months because of scheduling conflicts), but I did make a lot of contacts, so the full impact of the pageant has yet to be seen. I can say that I would fully recommend the experience to anyone interested in modeling or acting, or anyone that feels they could use a boost to their confidence.

Miss NH USA 2009 - After Comments

2008-11-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

I have to say, competing in Miss NH USA this year was a real learning experience.

First, I must dispel your current opinions of pageants. I must say that walking into this, I was going to find very shallow, vain, and catty women. I cannot express how absolutely wrong I was! It just goes to show you that you should never go into things like this with preconceived notions about how people will act.

I did not meet anyone by that description at the pageant. Everyone there was incredibly kind, supportive, and absolutely friendly. You'd think that a room full of strangers would be quiet, but as soon as we were all given the chance to socialize, we all immediately jumped on it and became fast friends. I personally started to really hope for others to win - almost more than I was hoping for myself. Yes, I really did want the title of Miss NH USA, but I wasn't even close to devastated when I didn't even make the top 12. I was actually more crushed when the girls I was rooting for after already not making the top 12 did not make the top 5. I actually got misty eyed when the emcee sang 'In My Daughter's Eyes' and when Brianne Silvi, Miss NH USA 2008, made her last walk (it wasn't the walking that got me going, it was the pre-recorded message she made to play over it). Every single girl there was deserving of the title of Miss NH USA, in my opinion, including the girl that actually got it. I hope that all of the participants realize this, and that they are all incredible, inspiring people.

That being said, I really enjoyed the pageant. I like all sorts of performances - especially ones you have to rehearse for. I really enjoyed speaking with the judges, and walking the runway in my evening gown. I did not really enjoy walking the runway in my swimsuit the first time (not going to lie, I was absolutely terrified) but once I'd done it the first time, I realized I could do it again with no problem. Looking back at the pictures, I even liked some of my swimsuit pictures, despite the fact that I was one of the more "curvier" contestants. It made me realize that at the very least I can come off as confident when I'm not feeling that way at all, or maybe that I'm more confident about my image than I realize. Either way, I couldn't have done it without the help and support of everyone there. I know they probably didn't realize that I went into the pageant with a lot of self-confidence issues, but I left feeling much more self-assured, despite the fact that I didn't win any special titles or awards. I feel like just participating in general was a huge accomplishment for myself, and a great way to jumpstart myself.

Anyways, the Miss NH USA pageant has already opened career doors for me. I've been networking constantly, and it's really paid off. I'll have more news on that later, and perhaps more on the pageant itself, but right now I'm finding that I'm REALLY tired and sore all over... so all I want to do is sleep. I'll definitely update with some pictures later.

Countdown to Miss NH USA and Other Updates

2008-10-24T15:18:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't tell you how absolutely hectic the past few weeks have been! Miss NH USA has consumed my life entirely. Everyone always approaches me about how much spare time I must have because I am not in college and I can't audition for anything until the pageant is over, but I must let you all know - I don't have any spare time at all! On top of getting together all of my paperwork, photos, and tickets - I also have to get my dress fitted, buy a bathing suit, buy shoes for all 3 major outfits, buy make up, and find the time to still get another $200.00 of sponsorship money that I will probably end up paying for out of pocket. Speaking of which, I can't even tell you the money I am dropping for the pageant. Granted, I don't HAVE to drop that much money, but I figure if I'm going to present myself in front of a bunch of people, I should probably look good doing it. Just so you all know, I'm not regretting my decision to enter the pageant at all, but I really wanted to let all pageant hopefuls know that it IS time consuming and expensive.

On that note, the pageant is next weekend (November 1st and 2nd) and I'm just starting to feel a little anxiety over it. It's silly, because I don't really expect to win, and I signed up figuring that I wouldn't (I'm the type of person that sets themselves up for disappointment so that they don't have to deal with the added anxiety of being overly optimistic), I'm really doing it for exposure. If I don't win any titles, but some one sees me and I get a job - everything would be more than worth my trouble! You may be wondering why I don't expect to win. I'll be honest with you all - I am no Twiggy. Granted, I don't think being a Twiggy is healthy, and I'm rather happy to NOT be a Twiggy, but I'm also not incredibly athletic. Yeah, I've been going to the gym for a couple of months, and I've lost 30 lbs, which is amazing, but I'm still no match for the track runners, gymnasts, and ballerinas that are likely to be competing against me. I looked at pictures of the 2008 competition (I'm technically a 2009 contestant) and all of the finalists were either naturally skinny or really buff, and also wearing two piece swimsuits. I am going to be wearing a very nice designer swimsuit, but it IS a one piece (they're allowed) and along with an ample bust, I have a bit of a tummy. Actually, I'm about the size of most of the Bollywood Actresses. Seriously though, I'm not going to sweat it, so to speak, because I am incredibly proud of myself for dropping 30 lbs to begin with, and not through a fad diet or starving myself. I even survived my Birthday eating a cake without gaining anything, just through being sensible. I'm ecstatic with the way I am now. Still, I realize that Miss NH is mostly about modeling, and plus size models probably don't fit the bill.*

I've also been doing a lot of college student stuff lately, seeing as I can only loosely commit to things. I submitted a video to the Evil League of Evil Competition being put on by Joss Whedon and the Dr. Horrible crew. I provided the link for you, but PLEASE realize that I do not act the way I do in the video on a regular basis! I am ACTING. I'm pleased to know that I am so convincing that people think that I am not, but also terribly embarrassed that people think I'm actually that stupid. Yes, some one really thought I was really like Miss Anthropy. Anyways, I am the one in green, and that is my actual dress for the competition, but sitting down like that unfortunately does not do it justice, so you will just have to wait for the pictures. Next to me is my very good friend Nadia Rodriguez, who is a student at the School of the Museum of Fine Arts studying animation. She's more mortified by this video's existence than I am! To be honest, the video was very last minute. We had originally planned to do a Steam Punk themed video, but personal issues killed us last minute, and we were left with no costumes to pull together in time. Desperate measures had to be taken, so I came up with the concept that was most on my mind: Beauty Pageants. I came up with the tune for the song 'Ease Into It Slowly' in the shower, along with another diddy that was much cuter but too cute, so it was dropped. Then, I came up with a few lyrics, and bought two crowns and two 'Bachlorette' sahses from I-Party, and trucked myself down to Boston. Now, here is a lesson about having limited equipment but still making things look decent. Nadia has two desk lamps that are attached to their respective tables, but we used them for the lighting in the double shot. The first light is angled diagonally to just barely hit us from the side, but more to serve as a back light. The second light is anchored much further away from us, and aimed directly in our direction from a diagonal left. Finally, we had a tiny ceiling light which was just to try and get the scene as well lit as possible. For the other scenes, we just turned on as many lights as possible. It was shot with a camera (a tiny, photograph camera with video options) because the camera we rented had no batteries. We recorded a separate audio track through a mac computer with the intention of matching it later, but later decided that the computer had surprisingly good audio and there wasn't enough of a difference to go through the trouble of matching up the audio. After shooting all of the footage, I edited it together in iMovie. Finally, I recorded myself singing the song, and then improved some random harmony parts over the original melody, and edited it in while cutting out some of the original audio. I should also add that there was no script - Nadia and I improvised through the entire thing. I'm pretty happy with the result - especially considering the fact that it's supposed to look amateur.

I've also been taking a lot of photos, or rather, having a lot of photos taken of me. This is mostly just to try and get a few more things to add to my portfolio, and also because I can no longer use the photo I originally planned to use for Miss NH USA for personal reasons. They will all be available soon on my facebook page for everyone to view.

Also, for an update on Old Soldiers Never Die, I officially have no idea what is going on. The first meet I was not informed of when I was supposed to be there until after the fact, the next few meets I was told I was not needed, and the last one I couldn't go to because of an emergency with my grandmother. I haven't recieved any news from them since. I'd hate to think that they've given up on me, but if they have, I will be sorely disappointed, considering that I set the time aside to do this and so far I've been unable to work for them. I am going to contact them again after the pageant, but I don't think it's looking good for this particular project, which is really a shame.

Anyways, this is likely to be the last blog post before the pageant, so I'm going to take the time to assure you all that I am going to keep you as updated as possible now. I will probably bring my laptop to the hotel so that I can effectively record how everything goes right after it happens (if I have the time). If not, then as soon as I'm not needed at the pageant anymore. :D I'll be glad to have some free time again.

Old Soldiers Never Die - The Meeting

2008-07-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, so admittedly when I originally signed up to work with Old Soldiers Never Die, I was going for an acting part. I interviewed for it before the Luziden audition and before I really started feeling somewhat comfortable in the independent movie industry. So, when I did not get the part, I offered to help on the set, figuring that any exposure was better than no exposure. Well, I was right, but then a few months later I got accepted to work on Luziden, and then a month later I was accepted to an agency with paid work (although most of it is too far for me to get to as of yet).

So many months later, here I am attending a meeting for a script read through and working on the crew. I really don't have a problem working on the crew, although it is not my first choice. Everyone working on this project is incredibly nice, and Brandon (the director) even mentioned having a part for me in a feature length film (which would be better than a short like this anyways).

I was really nervous about going, partially because I'm ALWAYS nervous about meeting new people and partially because despite having this planned for months, I didn't really know what I was doing for the film except being on the crew. Apparently I'm a boom operator (laugh all you want, Pfeiff).

I also thought that I was going to hate the girl who got the part I had auditioned for because Brandon told me that it had been between her and me to begin with, but I was wrong again. She's actually really quite nice, which just proves that it's really hard for me to hate people, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Really, I don't mind not hating people. Hating people takes a lot of effort. Anyways, Megan and I actually had a lot in common and were fast friends. Go figure.

One thing I've noticed about acting in general, or rather actors, is that they're a lot less catty than they're portrayed, and a lot more laid back. I mean, maybe all of the really catty actors are in theatre... because that's where I met all of my catty theatre friends.

Regardless, it will be nice to work with these people. I just need to note that should I get a paying job, I might not be able to work on this project as much as I'd hoped to originally, or at all if I really hit it big. Brandon told me to just ditch them should I get a paying job (he knows how much I want one) but I'm not really comfortable just leaving them in the dust like that, so I'm going to try to schedule around them.

Luziden

2008-07-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

So as some of you may or may not know, I recently finished acting for the Luziden Project (Capseat Productions). I have to say, working with everyone - both actors and crew - was just great. Everyone worked very well together, and was polite and courteous... which is a far cry from what I'm used to. Sure, the drama involved with a crew who have more... 'varying personalities' can be interesting and even entertaining, but it's like crossing the border between work and pleasure. Working with people who fight all the time is stressful - and working with people like the people of Luziden is not.

Anyways, the first day of Luziden was the day I actually did the most work. Luziden is comprised of a bunch of different bits of footage, backdrops, and sounds to try and simulate lucid dreaming. It's going to be connected to a keyboard so that when some one is viewing it, what actually appears is completely random. For this reason, I was cast as a lot of various parts.

The first being a teacher. Now, every one's had an experience with a teacher, so I'll save you the song and dance about what they were trying to go for. I wore a really cheesey sweater with white stars, a floral print dress, and I pulled by hair into a bun and hid my bangs. BAM! Instantly I was aged by at least 10 years. Let that be a lesson to you teachers - if you dress old, you ARE old. Added to that, I put on a hideous 'old-lady' colored lipstick and I was finished.

Admittedly, I found this part of the movie the hardest to act out. Possibly because it was the first out of NHS thing I had acted in that involved a studio, but also because I never really received this speech. I was supposed to be scolding the camera about not doing well in school, saying things like 'how I knew the kid was intelligent but he could do better if he did his homework, blah, blah, blah'. I was actually a good student. My grades were pretty average, but I was in honors classes and for some reason even the teachers that gave me Cs treated me like I was a straight-A student. All of these roles were improvisational, so I sort of just rambled on until I felt like my head would explode... which didn't take incredibly long. Still, I suppose it gave the desired effect, because apparently teachers tend to repeat themselves needlessly while scolding people. Convenient!

Then I was paired up with another actor who was playing the part of a man who was very drunk and having a teacher conference with an obviously horrified teacher. To be honest, I was really terrified of working with this guy. Why? Well, he obviously preferred to add comedy into the scenes, and as much as I love comedy, I don't really consider myself to be a good comedic actor. I don't really have the face to be considered the person who would be putting in comedic lines: I'm what people would cast as the 'straight man', the person that acts normal in a comedic situation. That being said, I'm HORRIBLE at doing that. I'm the sort of person that snorts loudly at inside jokes before everyone else and I have very little self control when it comes to anything funny. However, it's my first shoot, and the actor was a really nice guy, and I'm not one to protest unless I'm really bothered by something, so I decided to tough it out. I tried to put myself in the scenario as best as I could... but then decided against that entirely because I would honestly laugh in a drunk man's face if he came to his kid's parent teacher conference drunk (I mean, before I reported him to social services shortly after, I'm not a complete monster). So I tried to channel what my mother might act like, because she's a very polite person and would probably try to walk through the situation before calling social services and then maybe burst into laughter while in the comfort of her own home. This actually worked for me, and although I did laugh a few times, it was totally in character because I was obviously trying to conceal my laughter and appear polite. I was a little concerned afterwards, but it turned out that I didn't need to be...

The next part I needed to play was a person dressed as a teacher... but acting as if they were a girl in a bar who just saw the Red Sox win a game (and doing this while slightly buzzed). Now, being a goody-two-shoes 19 year old girl, I've never been anywhere near drunk. Nor have I been in a bar watching the Boston Red Sox (although I've been to Fenway many times). Therefore, this part required a bit of research. So the night before, I logged onto my youtube account and searched for "Red Sox Bar". Lo and behold - some girl who was obviously drunk popped up screaming and dancing about how the Red Sox won the world series (which had me screaming and dancing too, but in a less drunk manner). So back at the shoot, I'm standing there in my teacher get up warning them that this might be a one shot thing because my hair is bound to fall out of the bun I miraculously managed to create from only two bobby pins and two hair bands and they call action. I let out my best tipsy bar girl whoop and promptly kill the sound guy (not literally, but for those of you who don't work in the entertainment industry, I'll tell you that it is NOT fun to have some one shout into the mic when the levels have previously been set to a teacher's soft scolding). Oh, and my hair is half way out. So after five minutes of fixing the sound levels and my hair (the hair took longer) I give another great rendition of a drunk person only to fall out of frame. Stop again. Fix hair. Shoot again. They took two copies of it to be safe, but eventually I won at being 'Provocative Bar Girl'.

Then of course, I had to do the reverse of what I had just done, so I donned my Daisuke Matsuzaka t-shirt (I have the one with the cool kanji on the front and his number on the back) and a pair of blue jeans... and then some nice whore make up. Yes, this hideous blue and purple stuff that I applied as heavily as possible and all the way up to right below my eyebrows. This effect transformed my old lady lipstick into instant prostitute magenta and I was ready to go. We did the bar girl scene again, where I was given the prop of a beer can (the brand had some significance to everyone, but being the 19 year old alcohol-virgin in the room, I don't remember it) which had been drained ever so graciously by the members of the crew and refilled with plain old Boston tap water. Yumm.... Still, I didn't feel bad about spilling tap water all over myself like a complete doof... so I did! All was well until I switched to the 'bar girl who thinks she's a teacher' scene, which was basically the normal teacher scene but with me in the bar girl costume with the beer can prop. They told me to gesticulate a lot, which was cool, but I told them I was nervous about ruining the expensive lighting equipment that was only inches away - especially one floor light in particular. They told me not to worry - so naturally I didn't! I searched for words like in the first take, but it was OK because no one was really paying attention to that anyways and what I said was still passable (really, the people were fine with my shot, I'm just a really touch critic on myself). Actually, everyone was really pleased and I was feeling pretty good hearing them try to stifle laughs as I swung my beer can around carelessly, and at the end I sort of shrugged and a huge splash whooshed out the top of the can. Suddenly I heard a huge sizzle behind me - the kind of sizzle that sounds like a basket of fries being dipped into hot fat at a fast food restaurant - and I gasped in horror and realization. I had, of course, spilt Premium Boston Tap Water on that silly floor light. Luckily, it had only just sizzled on the barn doors (wings that fold over the face of the light to direct the direction of the light stream) and hadn't harmed the actual light. Unfortunately, the director wasn't sure if there had been enough time between the end of the scene and the utter look of horror and very audible gasps and laughs that had filled the air once the incident had occurred, so I had to give them another, much more controlled rendition.

All in all, it was a great start to what is hopefully my acting career. Even more so, I hope no one at Luziden realized that this was my first shoot outside of my school TV studio!

The next day I was mainly there to work with another wonderful actress named Alex. We were both supposed to be angels in the 'Heaven Cafeteria' discussing food. It was around breakfast time and I guess we were both hungry because we kept gravitating towards breakfast foods in our discussion. I don't remember how exactly, but during the last shot somehow our discussion turned from breakfast foods, to odd foods (by my standards), when suddenly Alex announced: "and beets turn your poop pink!" I died. Well, not quite, but I did laugh, because I was definitely not prepared for that. Luckily, it was still in character to do so, and it brought a degree of relaxation to the scene. Inwardly, I was scorning myself, but that's alright I suppose.

That was all I had to do that day, and then I went home, which is an hour away from Boston, and spent the remainder of the week trying to get more people to sponsor me for Miss NH, which is not an easy task during the time of an economic recession where everyone is scared shitless that we're all going to go the way of The Great Depression. It's almost funny to see the expression on the faces of all of the small business owners faces that basically says: LOL, OMG, U SERIOUS? I'M LYKE, GOING BROKE! Funny until you realize that despite this, Miss NH still wants $899.99 from you, and if you can't collect it from other people you have to fork the remainder over yourself. Even less funny when you remember that you already made the $100.00 down payment (which brought the total down to $799.99) and that made a noticeable dent in your wallet!

Regardless, I was back in Boston for a very uneventful July 4th as I was too tired to go to the Charles and look at fireworks, but ready the next day for my next shoot. This shot was my Shakespearean shot, but it was also the day that all of the child actors were there. The thing about child actors is that you really have to treat them like adults (although I recommend this for most children in general), because they've been exposed to so much crap that kids usually aren't exposed to until at least middle school. I had this whole conversation about his past movie where he was the son of a cannibal and watched his father hack some lady to bits (in the movie) and let me tell you, it was intense.

It was also that day that another actor who I did not share a scene with commended my performance with Dave, the actor who portrayed the drunk father in my scene the other day. He said that I was the perfect straight man to his drunk guy, which was difficult, and that it really made the scene. That seriously made me elated. Ridiculously happy. I mean, sure I felt that I had screwed up, but I've come to realize that I am overly critical of myself, and maybe for once I did something good! Maybe... I want to see the footage... but seriously, it made me feel a lot more confident with my acting, which was something I really needed because a couple of days prior to all of this, I had to pick up a dress for the Shakespearean shoot and I got the whole song and dance about how I'm not in college, still rely on my parents for money, and still don't have a drivers license. Yeah, that sounds pathetic all on its own, but no one bothers to take into consideration that I'm attempting to represent myself, have managed to get myself a few jobs despite all of the normal rejection that all actors experience, and that this leaves little if any time to actually go to the DMV and take the stupid test to get my license (I've been competently driving for like... four years now). No one has actually been bold enough to say this to my face (which is good, because I would have probably responded defensively AND rudely) but you can read it in their expression and some of the comments they make. I wish everyone could keep control of their rude emotions/expressions.

But back to the subject, the Shakespearean shoot. This was a weird thing, as we were reading some text on dreams as if we were reading Shakespeare. Now, reading Shakespeare is not an alien practice to me. I've been in Hamlet, The Merry Wives of Windsor, and A Midsummer Night's Dream, and I also graduated from high school (Romeo and Juliet, Julius Ceaser, Hamlet (again), and Macbeth). However, I was also taught that you should read Shakespeare as casually as possible, and not like you're the King of some country proclaiming the law of the land, like most people do it. However, that's the style they wanted, so I did it. I almost had a British accent but it didn't want to come. Still, the scene went well, and it was a short two takes and I was on my way again.

The last day I wasn't really required to go because they had to change their schedule last minute and realized that most actors wouldn't be able to make it, but I was in the area and I really had enjoyed my time with them, so I went. No one else came, but the shots were very fun. The first was a faceless crowd with these insane masks that made you look like a cross eyed chameleon or something of the sort. That was pretty creepy. Then there was a crowd of people laughing scathingly at the camera. All were very relaxed and fun. Finally, I was done, and now I'm back at home again, back to playing money collector. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted!